How to Catch a Jason
by capolleon
Summary: Leo Valdez was a million things, and Jason's boyfriend was not one of them. However he definitely has a plan. Sort of.


**what even is this? enjoy this really silly thing i wrote**

* * *

Leo Valdez was a million things, and Jason's boyfriend was not one of them. However he definitely has a plan. Sort of.

"How do you woo a hot blond?" Was the question he asked everyone who could bear to listen.

* * *

 **1\. "Flowers are like, totes amazing. Unless you give them, Leo. You'd probably kill like, all of them." -Drew**

Jason liked roses. Or at least Leo thinks he does. Roses were the universal declaration of love, after all! There was definitely no way this plan could go wrong.

"So what are the flowers for?" Travis followed Leo as Leo crouched at the base of the Demeter cabin.

"Jason." Leo whispered back, ignoring the hand on his ass. As of recently, the Latino had attracted the attention of the Stoll. Leo hadn't had the heart to tell Travis about his upcoming marriage to Jason that was probably going to happen once Leo got these roses. Leo could already see it now:

" _Oh, Jason!" Leo flexed his very impressive muscles at the blond. Jason gasped at the sight, and practically swooned._

" _Oh, Leo! My most hottest and amazing friend in the world! What do I owe the pleasure of talking to?" Jason put a hand over his heart to make it stop from ripping out of his chest. He could feel the sweat pour at the sight of Leo's hotness directed towards him._

" _Nothing," Leo said slyly, pulling his hand from behind his back. He held out the bouquet of lovely smelling roses, and in the process, his shirt ripped open showcasing his top-notch twelve-pack abs. "Just some flowers."_

 _Jason's eyes popped out of his head. He tore his shirt over his head, exposing his somewhat okay body. "Take me now, Leo!"_

Leo licked his lips. Yes, this was perfect. He digged in his pockets for the scissors to cut the stem of some of the rose bushes adorning the cabin.

Travis gulped, beside him. "That's not a good-"

"Don't worry," Leo said, snapping a rose stem. "I got this-"

" _Leo Valdez!"_ The sound of a herd of bulls running could be heard with the piercing shriek. It sounded like the bulls were inside the cabin.

"What was that?" Leo looked towards Travis, who had been trying to escape when Leo wasn't looking. Travis looked to be an unhealthy pale color.

Travis folded his hands as if he was praying, and looked up to the sky. "Oh Hermes, please do me this favor, I _promise_ to steal better stuff, just let me live."

The sound of the angry herd grew louder, and Leo hastily snapped a few more roses free before stepping backwards.

" _Travis_ ," Leo hissed. "What _is_ that?"

Travis looked at Leo with wide eyes. "The beast."

" _¿Qué?_ " As Leo spoke, the cabin door slammed open, and a terrifying beast stepped outside. She had long brown hair, and her eyes glinted red in the sunlight. Leo could practically see the sky turning gray and dark- _and did the birds stop singing?_

"The head counselor." Travis took another step back, as he heard another inhuman shriek. "Katie Gardner."

Katie lifted her head slowly, her eyes glinting a devilish red. "Did you touch my roses?"

* * *

Leo huffed out a breath, as he ran through the woods. He laughed victoriously when he saw Jason sitting next to Percy on a picnic blanket.

"Jason!" Leo called, practically dying, as he stopped in front of the pair.

Jason and Percy looked at each other, before assessing Leo. Leo's clothes were burned, and torn with smoke coming out of several places, and his hair was filled with twigs, flowers and oddly enough, cereal. He was also missing a shoe, and in one of his hands there was a couple of roses whose petals were falling with each step Leo was taking.

"Leo, are you okay?" Jason's voice came out sounding concerned. He made a move to stand up, but Leo lifted his hand.

Leo doubled over, catching his breath. His hand rested on his knees, and the brief thought of the roses having thorns flew through his mind. "Just need to- _whew_ \- catch my breath."

After a minute of awkward silence, Leo stood up straight, grinning widely. He would've probably looked a lot better if he didn't have scratches all over his face.

He stuck out his hand, dying roses in hand. "For you!"

Leo _probably_ should of specified who 'you' was. Unfortunately, he didn't.

After a beat of silence, Percy gasped, plucking the flowers out of Leo's hand. "Why thank you Leo!" He leaned forward to give a tiny peck on Leo's cheek.

"Wha-"

" _Leo Valdez!"_ There was that voice again, and Leo screamed like a girl- _manly man_.

There was the sound of footstep thundering through the woods, and Jason stood up, hand coming to his waist, where Leo assumed was a hidden weapon.

"Save me Jas-" Leo was interrupted by Percy pushing him behind the Sea Prince.

Percy looked back, giving Leo a wink. "I got you, babe."

What the Hades.

Katie Gardner- the terrifying demon- rushed to the clearing, her hands in claws, and teeth becoming fangs. The sky turned dark and thunder rolled on. Leo shivered, thinking about the terrible fate that happened to Travis not too earlier. Travis was a brave soul, one who shall be remembered in Leo's heart forever.

"Leo," She seethed, tail whipping sharply in the wind.

Percy spoke before anyone else. "Hi Katie! Nice day, am I right?"

Katie paused, eyes glancing from Leo to Percy. The sky returned back to it's clear blue color, and birds started chirping again. Leo watched with morbid curiosity as Katie went from Nico in the mornings to a normal teenage girl.

Katie beamed at the son of Poseidon. "Hi, Percy! Have a nice day!" Her eyes flashed red at Leo, before turning back to her normal green. She waved pleasantly at the boys, and threw a plant at Leo, before skipping off.

This is why Leo now chased after men, girls were too much. Just _too much_.

Percy sighed happily, watching Katie leave. "Isn't she just the sweetest? She even gave you flowers."

Leo picked up the plant Katie threw at him. It had three leaves, with tiny white berries. Leo frowned at it, bringing it closer to his face to inspect it. It looked oddly familiar…

"Leo!" Jason's voice shocked the Latino. "Put that down. _Now_."

"Why?" Leo dropped the plant immediately at the urgency at his voice. He scratched at his arm. "What is it?"

Jason gulped, taking a step back. "Poison Ivy."

Percy was suddenly a lot further from Leo than he was a few minutes ago. "I can take you to Will. I love you and all, but don't touch me."

* * *

 **2\. "Poetry has always-** _ **stop scratching it-**_ **soothed the soul! And it's just so romantic! Write a -** _ **Leo**_ **\- poem." -Will**

After getting treated by the resident doctor, Leo had his next plan. Poetry couldn't hurt.

He was only slightly red and itchy when he approached Jason. Trailing behind him, was Percy and Travis, both talking rather _loudly_ about Leo's ass. Leo had already yelled at them once- which spurred comments about Leo being that loud in bed- but it was hopeless.

Jason had been sitting with Piper doing Arts and Crafts with some of the more little demigods. The Arts and Crafts session was being hosted by Apollo children, which could be good for giving Leo support.

"Hey, Jason." Leo said, nervously itching at his hands. Jason looked at them warily, but slid Leo a small smile.

"Hey." His blue eyes flitted from Leo's hands to his eyes, and Leo sucked in a breath as they stared at each other.

"What am I, _Octavian_? Stop ignoring me." Piper interrupted them. "Like my painting? It looks like you, Leo.."

It looked like a pile of unicorn shit- _hey_.

Leo rolled his eyes. "Piper, I need to be serious. I'm on a very important mission here."

"And what's that?"

Leo inwardly laughed at the question, and got on one knee. The entire room got quiet, as Leo cleared his throat. "I have a romantic poem that I wrote while in the loving hands of Will Solace, as he shoved ambrosia down my throat."

" _I can shove something else down your throat, if you want Leo-"_

"Shut up Travis." Leo shot down the male so fast it made everyone feel for the poor kid. Leo stared at Jason.

"Give me a beat, Percy."

Percy covered his mouth, and started beatboxing. Or at least tried to.

Leo looked horrified. "What was _that_? I said give me a beat, not spit everywhere. Yo, Pipes, give me a beat."

Piper eyed Leo cooly. "I'm not Octavian, stop ordering me around." She mumbled, but followed his instructions.

"Uh huh," Leo moved, getting into the beat. " _Alright_ _now_."

"My name is Leo, this rap is so _real_ ," Leo was amazing at this, he just had to be. "Your eyes are like the _sky_ , it makes me feel _high_."

Piper snorted, but kept the beat going. Travis practically fainted in the background, and Percy cheered him on.

"You're kinda really really _smart,_ I say this from my _heart_ ," Leo continued. "No Venus spawn can compete, you're hot from your head to _feet_."

"You're also really _nice,_ can I be your _wife_? You're something I would miss, Can I lean in and get a kiss?" There was no stopping now, Leo had one more line to go.

"And I would say I have _class_ , but I must admit-"

Piper paused her beatboxing for dramatic effect.

"-you have a nice _ass_." Leo closed his eyes, bathing himself in the applause that followed afterwards. He also ignored the crying of Apollo children at such a monstrosity but whatever because- _applause._

"So, what'dya think?" Leo looked over to the blond, and inwardly died at the sight. Instead of feasting his eyes all over Leo's beautiful self, he was instead, helping a little girl draw a picture.

"Well, there he goes." Piper commented, watching Leo faint. Luckily, he was caught by the groping hands of Travis and Percy. "I'm sure he'll be okay in a few hours. Take him to his cabin, I guess."

Piper looked to Jason, who shrugged.

"She needed help to draw a butterfly," Jason defended himself, as Piper looked over the paper.

"Jason," Piper said very slowly, not wanting to hurt the blond. "I think, _you_ need more help drawing a butterfly. This looks like a hotdog."

* * *

 **3\. "** _ **Honestly**_ **, Leo, why don't you just** _ **make**_ **him something? You're great at building, so why not give him something you made?" -Nyssa**

The next day, after Leo's long nap that happened because of reasons left unsaid, Leo had the brilliant idea to build Jason something. Ouch, okay, maybe _Nyssa_ had that idea, no need to throw any more wrenches.

And so, Leo went to the Forges and stayed there for the entire day. Travis occasionally slipped in just to grope Leo as per normal, but stopped when Leo sneezed fire at him. _And it wasn't even flu season_.

Percy, however, was a lot smarter and brought sandwiches with him. In exchange, he almost managed to convince Leo to pull his sweaty shirt off. Leo then glared at him so ferociously, Percy wilted like a dead flower, and was seen walking towards the lake. He wasn't seen for the rest of the day, and many naiads and dryads reported the demigod to be sulking and talking to fish.

At exactly, 1:47 PM, on that bright and sunny day, Leo finished his amazing project.

"What is it?" Piper poked at the hunk of metal, with suspicious eyes. Leo's inventions were prone to exploding, and Piper did not want to get caught in _another_ explosion.

The hunk of metal was just a cube. Not just _any_ cube- okay, maybe it was just a cube. A plain old Celestial Bronze generic cube. How boring, and disappointing to be a ValdezTM made contraption.

"I don't know," Leo admitted. He stared at the cube too. "It's supposed to be awesome though."

Piper looked around the rest of the forge. "But you have all this amazing stuff around here…" She picked up a few bracelets and rings that looked extremely well detailed and elegant.

"Oh, those?" Leo shrugged. "Those are just trinkets. I did them in five minutes, maybe less."

Piper looked between the cube, and the pile of beautiful projects. "Leo, I think something happened in your brain. A few nuts and bolts might be a bit loose."

"I'm not sure what it does though," Leo inspected the cube with his hands, rolling it over and over again. He briefly looked at Piper. "You can have all that junk, if you want. It's useless to me."

 _Useless?_ Piper wanted to laugh. She had so much stuff now… _so much stuff to make Drew jealous_. The ultimate plan. She didn't care much for it herself, Piper just knew if she had something pretty, then Drew would want it and would do anything for it. _Anything_.

"Okay, cool." Piper said calmly. She gathered the giant pile. "I think I'll see you later. Bye, Leo." _Ha_ , with this pile, she could make Drew buy her a trip around the _world._ When Piper said, _bye Leo_ , she really did mean _bye Leo_.

Leo shook his head when he heard Piper began to laugh maniacally. He stared at the generic cube. Really, it was just a perfect cube whose color was hard to tell by the way the light shined. He had spent hours upon hours working on it, and it was _just a cube_.

Huh.

Well, there was no quitting now. Leo can tell that no matter what he would bring Jason, Jason would love it anyway.

 _Jason stopped combing his hair. "Leo, is it you, my Prince?"_

" _Yes, it is." Leo purred. "I brought you a gift."_

 _Jason's eyes light up. "For me? You didn't have to, after all, you being mine is a gift enough."_

" _But I insist." Leo pushed the cube into Jason's hands._

 _Jason gasped, and suddenly his pants dropped. "Oh Leo, this cube is just so geometric! Take me now!"_

Yes, Leo could definitely see it happening. This might actually be his lucky break. He might actually be a winner this time.

* * *

"But what does it do?" Jason frowned, examining the box.

Leo threw his hands in the air." Who cares! It's amazing! It's unique! It's a ValdezTM object!"

Jason touched one of the sides, and then gasped. Leo bent his head over to see what Jason was looking at. "Leo, look!"

And Leo looked.

"It's a puzzle." Leo said plainly, clearly disappointed. It didn't even blow up!

Jason tilted the cube. "You have to get the ball into the hole. At the end there's some kind of message…?"

There were two balls Leo would like to get into a certain hole.

"I bet there is," Leo sighed. He was not satisfied with this at all! He had expected a ValdezTM explosion, and he failed to deliver.

Leo slipped away from the delighted blond. Jason hardly even seemed to notice him leaving, being too busy with the stupid cube. It was probably a good thing Jason wasn't Owl Lady's child or else the blond would probably be asking Leo to add more levels by now.

Hmm, he hasn't gotten any advice from Hoot's children yet.

Annabeth always seemed to know what to do.

* * *

 **4\. "Why would I know, I told Percy he drooled in his sleep? And you hardly ever listen to me anyway, Leo- wait,** _ **what did you just say?**_ " **-Annabeth**

" **Try interesting him with stuff he likes. Sports, Activities, Weapons, Battle Tactics, Soon to be dead lovers? Anything he likes?" -Malcolm**

In addition to great advice, Leo also knew never to call Owl Lady _Owl Lady_ in front of her children. Otherwise he would get threatened. And Athena's children do _not_ play around.

Leo whistled as he strolled into Jason's cabin. The door never seemed to be fully closed, and the handle tended to zap people every time they touched it. Leo didn't mind, his love was like the door knob. _Electrifying_.

(And also kind of deadly because of that _one_ time Percy touched it with his wet hands.)

"Hey Jason," Leo walked into the cabin, stopping when he saw Jason hastily throwing something under the bed. "What are you… doing?"

"Uh," Jason slid down to the floor, in front of his bunk. "Nothing."

Leo eyed him suspiciously. "Then what did you put under the bunk, Grace?"

"Uh, weapons? _Yeah_ , weapons."

Jason was not at all convincing. But Leo ignored the temptation to roll his eyes, and he plopped down on one of the other empty bunks. "So."

"So." Jason echoed.

A moment of silence, before Leo sighed. He stared through Jason's glasses into blue eyes. "What do you want to do? We can do anything you like, if you want."

Jason blinked, clearly not expecting this. "Uh-"

"Even better," Leo leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees, and his chin in his palms. "What's your _favorite_ thing to do?"

Jason laughed sheepishly. "Uh, do you really want to know?"

"Oh, _yeah._ " Leo said, definitely interested in his answer. " _Very_ much so."

He already knew what Jason would say anyway:

" _My favorite thing?" Jason smirked, crawling on his hands and knees towards Leo. "To do?"_

" _Yeah." Leo said with his very manly voice, combing his luscious hair through his fingers."What do you like to do?"_

 _Jason was finally in front of Leo, and he put his hands on Leo's knees, separating and spreading his legs wider. Jason leaned in, with a cool hand sliding underneath Leo's shirt._

" _Mm," Jason mumbled into Leo's ear, kissing Leo's cheek, as his other hand went a little lower. "My favorite thing to do?"_

" _Yeah," Leo's voice came out in a breathy sigh._

" _My favorite thing to do," Jason's voice was dark in Leo's ear, and Leo's breath hitched. "Is you-"_

"Knitting."

Leo stared at Jason, obviously confused. That was not the answer he was looking for. " _What?_ "

Jason scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly. His eyes averted to the floor. "I like knitting, I guess. It's my favorite thing to do." His cheeks were tinged a light pink.

"Oh," Leo was only have disappointed, and half amused. If he got to see Jason's face turn such a nice pink, it was definitely worth wasting the next few hours doing… knitting. "That's cool. I think Nyssa likes to knit too."

Jason's face flushed to a light red- and _oh yeah_ Leo was definitely going to be doing some knitting. "I'll ask her for techniques later. A daughter of Hephaestus is bound to have some interesting techniques."

"Of course, of course." Leo waved him off. "You should teach me. I already have a needle on me. Let's put some string into needles and _knit._ "

And yes, the needle Leo was referring to, was definitely his dick.

And that makes Jason the string, if you get Leo's drift.

Jason rolled his eyes, his face still with the likeness of a cherry. He reached under the bed, and pulled out some… red _thing_. It was a knitted ball of red?

"I guess I can show you something." Jason mumbled, pulling out some more yarn and knitting needles. "Do you know anything?"

"Haha, of _course_."

Jason snorted. "Of course you don't."

It had taken Leo literally two hours to learn how to knit because it was _too complicated_ , but when he finally understood the basics, knitting wasn't too bad. Every now and then he screwed up, but Jason was always willing to help him. Leo didn't mind Jason's help (even when it was such a big blow to his pride) because Jason has some _really_ nice hands. Should be a hand model or something.

Knitting was actually kind of calming, in a way? It was like making a scarf was also making Leo calm down with energy. It was nice in a way. But watching Jason was a lot nicer.

Jason looked really in his element. He was working slowly, compared to Leo's quick pace, making sure each motion was perfect. He eyebrows were scrunched up in concentration, with his cute little glasses falling down his nose every half hour or so. It was when Leo was nearly halfway done with his scarf (he figured his speed and decent skills were due to his father) when he realized Jason was making a very big sock. Or at least he _thinks_ it's a sock. Either way, it was big and red and Jason looked very nice making it.

Knitting was nice.

* * *

 **5\. "Valdez? McLean, said I have to give this to you because- don't eat it! It has a** _ **love**_ **potion in it you idiot! And tell her, she owes me those earrings. " -Drew (unfortunately)**

Leo wasn't exactly sure if what Drew gave him was actually a box of chocolates or actually poison. It wasn't even a love potion, it was more like an _enhancer_. Aphrodisiac?

 _Apparently_ , the chocolate was supposed to be eaten, and the consumer would have some really huge feelings about the person they like. Or something like that; Drew had rambled about _warnings_ and _precautions_ half way through, like Leo was actually going to listen to them. Psh, who did she think he was, _Jason?_

Drew did say it was going to be disappointing if Jason didn't like Leo anyway. Leo frowned. He honestly didn't want to get hurt by this, his pride had already been hurt since _forever_. Sometimes a man can't handle such things anymore.

Anyway, Leo had a box of chocolates in his hands, as he crouched behind some bushes. He could spot Jason, who was sparring through a sweat soaked shirt with Percy. Percy glanced towards Leo's direction, and gave another exaggerated slash. He had been doing that for the past ten minutes, when hae had first spotted the fire user.

Leo's other stalker- _concerned friend_ as Percy and Travis called it, was sitting next to Leo, eating strawberries.

"You know those still have pesticide on them?" Leo mumbled, eyes not darting from Jason's form. Mmm, tall and muscled was very yummy.

Travis stopped chewing. "They're still yummy. Just like you-"

" _No_ ," Leo whispered, pushing his index finger on Travis' lips. "Not another word. It's time to roll out."

The two boys somersaulted over to another bush. Leo clasped the box of chocolates to his chest. Suddenly, there was the snap of the branch, and Leo head swung towards Travis.

"Opps." Travis shrugged pushing the broken twig away from his foot. The sound of weapons clashing stopped, and Leo could hear Jason and Percy's heavy breathing.

"Who's there?" Jason called out, concern seeping through his voice. "Are you alright?"

Leo sighed, standing up and yanking Travis up by his shirt collar. His eyes traveled up from the ground slowly. "Hey, guys! Funny seeing you here-"

Hold up.

Was that tall and muscled Jason? With his shirt off? All hot and sweaty and panting? With his very sincere and amused and intense and fabulous and very amazing blue eyes staring into Leo's soul.

Leo twitched, and Travis took a step away. "Are you okay?" the son of Hermes was saying.

But Leo could not hear him. Oh no, Leo was _way_ too focused on something else. Something wet dribbled from his nose. With trembling fingers, Leoreached up and touched it lightly. Blood.

"Holy Hades, I think I'm dead." Leo breathed out, before fainting and falling backwards.

The last thing he could remember was (hothothothothothot) Jason being very (hothothothothothot) concerned, and very sorry looking Travis and a stinging pain in the back of his head.

Man, what a good way to die.

* * *

There was a bright light. A very bright light, that was burning through Leo's retinas like the sun times a million.

"Sorry," that was Kayla, from the Apollo cabin. The light dimmed to a more agreeable brightness. "You took a mighty hard fall earlier."

"Ow," Leo mumbled, sitting up. He sat up a little too fast, causing his head to swim. For some reason he was seeing tiny swords and Percy's swirling around his vision.

Kayla caught him before he fell, and eased Leo back onto the cot. "You need to relax. You hit the ground like a rock, and passed out. Your nose was bleeding too, but it's fine now. Can you see how many fingers I'm holding."

"Twenty?"

Kayla shrugged. "More or less. Try _eighteen_ less. I know you're fine, stop overreacting. This won't get you out of cabin inspection duty tomorrow."

Damn it. Leo sighed, and rubbed his eyes. "Doc, tell me the bad news. Am I done for?"

"Yes." Kayla deadpanned. "Completely. Say goodbye to the rest of your life. And your lovers, who are very concerned about you."

"Lovers?" Leo was very concerned about the plural word. There was only one man for him.

Kayla nodded with a smirk. "Will had to do _a lot_ , to keep them from coming the infirmary. Jason, Percy, one of the Stolls, I believe. They were really concerned for you, and nearly killed you being trying to OD you on ambrosia."

"Oh. That's sweet." Well, not the nearly trying to kill him part. That wasn't as sweet, but they were very concerned for Leo! Which counts for something?

"Hm," Kayla shuffled through some papers. "What's this whole thing about you and Jason about? And the chocolate thing? I have a bunch of little kids and humping naiads _everywhere_ that need help, and I'm no expert on aphrodisiacs. Thank the gods, that the little kids don't understand how to copulate."

"Copulate?"

"Sex, Leo." Kayla rubbed her face, exhaustion showing through. "Instead, they're just shoving flowers and tiny kisses into their crushes faces, hoping for something magical. Half of the flowers are poisonous and the Demeter cabin isn't exactly liking anyone right now for some reason. And the ones who _do_ know how to copulate…"

Leo snickered, until Kayla shot him a glare.

"It's not funny. Do you know how many six year olds come here, because something _hurts?_ They're always pointing to their chests, grabbing at their shirts, expecting me and my siblings to fix them because we're _doctors_. Leo, they're going through heartbreak because of those damn chocolates, when they haven't even gone through _puberty_."

Well, shit.

* * *

"Leo, why are you wearing a cast?" Piper spooned some yogurt.

Leo shrugged, holding his plaster arm to his chest. "I don't want to do anything for a while, so I made one of those Apollo kids give me this. I got it for twelve bucks."

"Have you ever even _owned_ twelve bucks before?"

"No, but you have. Or did." Leo glanced around the pavilion. It was rather empty, except for the very much filled Aphrodite table. They seemed to be having some meeting over yogurt for some reason, and it seemed to be a very passionate and inspiring meeting. "Where is everyone?"

Piper put down her spoon. "Recovering from your chocolate attack. My cabin's practically having a field day with all the new relationships that sprung up. You know, there were over 50 pieces in that box you had."

"I know," Leo grumbled. "I didn't share it out! I was unconscious!"

"Yeah," Piper hid a laugh. "That's pretty lame."

Leo blew a raspberry at her. "Whatever. Travis or Percy must've shared it without knowing what it was. You know how loyal Percy is to this camp, always helping out and stuff. And Travis probably just exchanged them."

Piper looked amused. "It was Jason, actually. He thought it was a bit unfair to have so much chocolate and not share. But no one believes Jason would start such a problem, that naturally-"

"The blame is on me." Leo slid down in his seat, sulking. Then he perked up. "Wait, did he have one?"

Piper's face screwed up. "I'm… not sure."

Leo darted from his seat. "Yes! This is my chance!"

Piper rolled her eyes, snorting. "Hurry up, I think he's getting ready to clean the stables after this."

Leo ran around the camp, not exactly remembering where the Zeus cabin was. He finally scrambled inside, breathing heavily. Jason glanced up from his knitting. After admitting that he liked to knit a few days before, the blond felt no need to be secret about it anymore.

"Hey, Leo. Are you feeling better?" Jason raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on the bright blue cast.

"Oh, I'm feeling _great!_ " Leo collapsed on Jason's bunk, still exhausted. Whew, he would have to get in shape sooner or later. "But how are _you?_ "

Jason carefully put down his red sock thing. It was looking less like a sock and more like a… thing. Whatever flew Jason's Argo, as the saying went. Haha, Jason's Argo? Jason and the Argonauts? Ha, Leo was funny.

"I'm fine. But are you? You were unconscious." Jason didn't sound as lust filled as Leo imagined. Did this mean…?

No, it couldn't.

"Hey," Jason was a little startled by the more serious tone of Leo's voice. "Did you like the chocolates?"

Jason was slightly confused, but nodded with a small smile on his face. "Yeah, they were good? A little too sweet, but I, myself, have never really liked sweet things too much."

"Oh." Leo frowned. He sat up, sitting directly across from Jason. "Do you feel any different?"

The blond frowned too. "No. Do you?"

Oh.

Drew and Kayla were _was_ depressing and heartbreaking. Leo felt like crap, and he couldn't imagine it happening to _little_ kids, ones who had less emotional control than Leo.

Actually, scratch that, Leo had about as much control as them. He wanted to cry.

"I'm feeling perfect," Leo said, hopping off the bed, and backing back towards the cabin door. "Absolutely perfect.

* * *

 **6\. "Don't feel too upset. If he can't see how great you are, then he's the problem." -Travis**

" **I never did like that, Grace. I swear, he quotes Mean Girls with everything he says. Talk about twelve years too late. You don't deserve him and his overdue quotes. You deserve better, and Little Mermaid quotes." -Percy**

Sitting at the campfire was always fun. But not today.

The Aphrodite cabin had been bribed with flowers and such, to give over the antidote for the chocolates. Most of the demigods felt a little cautious, after sharing their love for each other, but everyone's seen weirder so they got along.

Leo sat alone, near the back with his cabin sitting not too far away. He wanted to be left alone, with his blue cast, as he stared into the fire. It flickered a bright orange that reflected the relief and happiness in most campers.

"You okay?" Travis said, sitting next to him. His brother stood awkwardly to the side, before deciding to go sit with his own cabin.

Leo shrugged. "I dunno. My arm lost circulation with this cast on."

Percy materialized on Leo's other side. "Do you want me to move the blood for you?"

Leo stared at Percy, slightly horrified. "I'm not sure if you could actually do that or not, but please don't, you freaky little man. That's creepy as hell."

Percy just grinned.

Someone sat down in front of Leo, and she spinned around. "What's up, Valdez? Still got the fake cast on? What else is fake on you? Hmm, _Leo_. _Hmm_?"

"Piper?"

Piper raised her head innocently. "Yes?"

"Please shut up." Leo flicked the back of her head lightly, as she turned back around.

"Leo?" Leo looked up to see Jason Grace. He was holding a red ball of knitted yarn, and a face Leo had never seen before. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure." No.

"In private?" Jason looked pointedly at Travis and Percy.

Leo stood up, "I guess." No.

Jason smiled gratefully, and lead Leo out from the campfire. When they were far from earshot of any campers, Jason shoved the red ball into Leo's arms. "Uh, this is for you?"

Jason sounded kind of… nervous? Leo unrolled the ball, and blinked. It wasn't a _sock,_ it was a _sweater!_ Leo had been staring at the hole all wrong, that was all. It was a giant red sweater, with a baby blue 'L' in the middle.

"L for Leo," Jason said, subconsciously scratching his arm. "You know."

"It's really nice. Thank you." Leo slid it on over his camp shirt. It was a little bigger than how it was supposed to fit, but the sweater was soft and snuggly. Leo was 100% ready to cuddle people now. "It's perfect."

Jason cheeks tinged pink. "I've been making it for you for a while. It's been hard, keeping it a secret, especially when you started doing all that _stuff_ to get my attention."

Oh. Maybe Leo wasn't as subtle as he assumed he was. But when has he ever been subtle?

"What stuff?" Leo denied, stepping backwards. Jason took a step forward, and laughed.

"Leo, I'm not an idiot. I know you like me. Heck, _everyone_ knows that!" Jason was definitely amused, as Leo tried curl up on himself. His eyes seem to have a bit of electricity in them. "I like you too, you know."

" _What?_ "

Jason rolled his eyes, but the amusement was still there. "Piper told me since the whole rapping incident. It;s just been interesting seeing how you would react sometimes." Jason paused. "Although, I didn't think you would try to poison me with an aphrodisiac. If I ate all of those, I could've gone insane."

Leo pushed at Jason's chest. "But you ate one of those! You were supposed to have feelings for me or something!"

"That's not how those work." Jason didn't seem that surprised that Leo didn't know what he was talking about. ""They enhance your feelings for your crush and such. They enhance it to almost a _love_ like feeling, not a _lust_ like feeling, as I assume you were thinking."

Well, crap. Leo was hoping Drew gave him some sex drugs or something. How disappointing.

"Then how come it didn't work on you? You don't like me?"

"Leo," Jason pulled Leo's back against his chest, enveloping the tinier boy in a hug. "I already told you, I like you. But it didn't work because I _already_ love you. You're an idiot- a slow one at that."

It took a moment for him to process the words- proving Jason's second point. The blond laughed at the silence giving a tiny kiss to Leo's cheek. He spun away from Leo, until he was only holding his hand. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah." Leo grinned, finally understanding what happened. Jason loves him. Jason loves _him_. He tightened his hand on Jason's. "I'm great. Absolutely great."

* * *

"Oh no," Travis groaned to Percy, as they huddled in the bushes.

Percy nodded gravely. "This is bad."

The two were watching Leo and Jason spar. The son of Jupiter and son of Hephaestus were shooting each other looks, and there was a bit more contact than there needed to be for a fight. Travis brandished his dagger quietly.

"But they're happy." Percy mumbled under his breath.

"Unfortunately." Travis agreed. "I hate it, but I don't at the same time."

Percy nodded. "They haven't kissed yet. It's been a week, they have to kiss sooner or later."

Travis and Percy sat in silence, mulling over the Sea Prince's words. Leo and Jason _haven't_ kissed yet. Which reminded them, did Leo have his first kiss yet? They knew about Calypso, but that hardly counted- Calypso kissed Leo so he could get off the island. Wait, _has_ he had his first kiss yet?

Travis started, "Holy-"

"-Hera." Percy finished.

Travis bit his lip. "They have to kiss. They _have_ to. It's like a rule."

"What rule?"

Travis gestured around. " _First mister, means first kisser_!"

Percy snorted. "What does that even mean?"

"First gay partner, is your first gay kiss! It _has_ to happen." Travis paused, before adding thoughtfully, "Believe me, like half of the camp is gay, I _know_ this."

Percy was still confused. "But what if you're a girl who likes girls? Would you still say mister?"

"No," Travis frowned. "You say _sister_."

"Isn't that incest?"

"No," Travis frowned deeper. "Well, I don't know, _I'm_ not a girl."

"Neither am I." Percy said thoughtfully. "Wait, so the first boyfriend is the first gay kiss."

Travis shrugged. "I guess that's how it works."

"Would it be the same way backwards?" Percy looked to be in concentration. "First gay kiss would become their first boyfriend."

"I guess," Travis mused. "Wait-"

"If Jason, can't kiss Leo-"

"Then Jason and Leo aren't boyfriends!"

Percy and Travis nodded to each other, and exchanged a fist bump. They knew what they had to do.

Stop Jason and Leo from kissing.

* * *

 **Translations:**

 **Que?-** what? (many people do use _COMO?_ as what/how too sooooooooo *shrug*)

 **A/N: As said earlier, what even is this madness. At first it was going to be a funny joke or something, and then I got super serious about actually writing this to the end. And well... yeah. Kudo's to the various people who have patience with me, and actually read some of the weird stuff I do.**

 ***snort* There shall be more _crack-taken-seriously_ stories in the future. Because what is my life now? XD**

 **[Disclaimer: I don't own the Percy Jackson Series, or any of the mentioned characters named above.]**


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